


Break

by StormyBear30



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-17
Updated: 2011-03-17
Packaged: 2017-10-17 01:30:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/171511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben needs a break…and its all that Brian needs to hear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Break

“I think we need a break” I heard him say…breaking my heart into a million pieces and yet at the same time I knew that it was coming.

“What do you mean by a break?” I asked…already knowing that this break that he was speaking of was going to be one of the straws…if not the last straw that broke the camels back forever. The truth was that the happy and loving relationship that was once Michael and Ben was now the polar opposites. Ever since Hunter had been outed to his classmates and had decided to leave Pittsburgh and our family for good…we had been slowly but surely declining downhill. He blamed me for Hunter leaving…blamed me for everything else that was upsetting to him and I was more then a little sick of it. Life wasn’t a bed of roses for me either…I had lost my son because of the hate of others. I was in a constant battle with the mother’s of my infant daughter over her custody and Brian and I hadn’t spoken in nearly three months. I was depressed…lonely and missing my best friend so fierce that I felt as if I wanted to just disappear from him and everyone else in my life forever.

“I think that we should separate for a bit…clear our heads and make some decisions about our relationship” He replied evenly…not a hint of hurt or upset in his eyes. He was speaking as if he were talking of the weather and it was at that point that I knew there was no use even putting up any hint of a fight.

“Sure Ben…whatever you want” I responded void of any emotion myself. “So…who stays and who goes?”

“I’ll go…you can stay here for now” He said plainly as he got up from the couch he had been sitting on. “I’ll just go and pack a bag and be on my way. Oh and Michael…I think that its best if we don’t try and contact each other unless it’s a true emergency”

“Sure…right” I said…tears forming behind my eyes as I got up and excused myself to the kitchen while he went to our room to pack. I don’t know how long I was in there as I recalled the many events of our lives together…wondering where along the way everything had become so fucked up and confused.

“I’ll be taking my leave now” He called out to me as he stood by the front door with a suitcase in his hand.

“Where will you go?” I asked before I could stop myself…because as much as I was hurt and depressed by Ben’s need to separate…I wanted to know where he would be and that he would be ok.

“I’m going to stay with some friends near the campus” He replied once again with no real emotion behind his words as he gave me a fake smile before exiting out of the home that he and I had recently built together. I lost it then…right there where I was standing on the kitchen floor. I cried about everything that was wrong and screwed up in my life…most of all the fact that I needed Brian and I felt as if I couldn’t depend on him either. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of throwing it back in my face that my marriage to Ben had been a farce…but after watching Ben walk out of my life I knew that he wasn’t far off from the truth.

I practically stayed hidden behind closed doors for awhile after that. It was home and then work and then work and then home…with nothing else in between. I practically cut communication off from my friends and family…giving pitiful excuses as to why no one had seen or heard from Ben and I in weeks. Even Mel whom I had been fighting with constantly showed up out of the blue one night with our daughter in her arms…threatening to kick my ass if I didn’t tell her what the fuck was going on. It was Ben’s ass that she wanted to kick afterwards as I held my daughter in my arms…bawling like a broken hearted teenager. She asked me if I had told Brian and after many terse words…she agreed to keep my news to herself. The fact was that I didn’t want Brian to know what was going on with me…because I was sure that with all the he had going on in his life that he truly wouldn’t give a fuck.

He showed up at my door a few days later…acting as if everything was normal…but I knew by the look on his face that he knew everything. “She promised that she wouldn’t tell” I cried out…stepping out of the way as he barreled his way into my former happy home.

“She’s worried about you…we all are” He said in a somewhat casual tone…but I could hear the underlying currents of anger that he was trying to hide. “You should have told me” He ground out…standing before me with hurt and anger staring back at me through hazel eyes.

“Really Brian…” I bit back…my own anger surfacing. “How was I supposed to tell you when you haven’t spoken to me in nearly three months. You’ve been too busy to care about what I was doing before…why would I think that you cared now?” My own words of hurt and anger continued because there was levels of truth to them and he knew it.

“Because we’re best friends and no matter what you should know that I’ve always got your back Mikey” I don’t know why but those words only served to irritate and anger me more as I walked over towards the front door…opened it up and stood there unspeaking.

“I think that it’s best if you leave Brian” I finally spoke up when he didn’t seem to be leaving or taking the hint that I was throwing his way.

“Not gonna happen” He threw back at me over his shoulder as he removed his jacket and fell back onto the couch. “Got anything to drink because I think this is going to be a long night” I knew that I was licked…knew that Brian wasn’t going to just leave me alone like I wanted…so I did as I always did and gave in. Hours later we were slightly drunk…talking about everything from the weather to how great Babylon was doing…but not touching on the real subject of the matter. “So are you gonna tell me what happened between you and Ben or not” Brian slurred his words as he slid off of the couch…stretching out on the living room floor as he looked up at me with what looked to be compassion in his eyes.

“There’s really nothing much to say about it” I lied…playing with a throw pillow in order to avoid his eyes that were still boring into my very soul. I really did want to tell Brian the truth about Ben and I…but didn’t want to hear the snide and hateful remarks that I knew were to come once I did.

“Mikey…you can’t lie to me” He said…kneeling before me as he snaked his arms around my legs…jerking me to the floor beside him with a painful thud on my ass.

“Asshole…” I cried out as I rubbed my smarting ass cheek…giving him a dirty look for good measure. However…it didn’t last long as he propped his head up against the couch…shifting me around a bit until I was laying the same way as well.

“Mikey…” He said softly…reaching out to touch my face in a tender moment that brought forward a surge of tears that I hadn’t even realized I had been holding back. I fell headfirst into his chest without even asking permission because I needed to feel comfort from the only man I knew could bring me any. He went still for a moment as I sobbed silently against his chest and I was sure that I had made a colossal mistake…but before I could do anything about it he had wrapped his arms around my shoulders and was pulling me further into his chest. Warm and soothing words were whispered against my ear as he continued to hold me…and although I couldn’t make them out through my tears they provided the comforting touch that I desperately needed.

Eventually I pulled myself together enough to give Brian back his personal space as with a deep breath I told Brian everything that had happened between Ben and I. “He said that we needed a break” I began slowly…inhaling a deep breath before exhaling it slowly. “He blames me for Hunter leaving…forgetting that I was the one that tried to fight him from doing it. He just let him leave and because of it he blames me. The truth is that we’ve not been happy for a long time…even before Hunter left. I love Ben…but for reasons that I can’t understand he hates me for the good things that have happened lately. He put me through hell while we waited for “Rage” to be made into a movie…ignoring me…throwing hateful remarks at me whenever I tried to get close to him…blaming me when his book was turned away from one publisher to the next. He throws Jenny Rebecca in my face constantly…reminding me that she is only my child…yet he was always the first to start shit between Mel and myself when he comes to raising her. It’s like he’s only happy when I’m behind him and when I try to take a step forward he makes all attempts to knock me back” Brian didn’t say a word…but I didn’t need to hear his words because I could read the anger and upset in his eyes as he stared up at the ceiling. “Brian…say something” I begged…tears once again forming in my eyes and yet I didn’t really know why.

“Do you love him Mikey?” He asked…still starting up at the ceiling. “I mean really love him?”

I didn’t have an answer for him…at least not right away. “I love him…but I guess that I’m not really in love with him anymore…or maybe I never was. I don’t know anymore” I replied truthfully…kicking my legs outward as I slinked down further on the side of the couch. “I’m just so confused right now. I mean he’s my husband…I should love him without question right?” I continued speaking more to myself them to Brian. “I shouldn’t have to think about my answer if I was…right?” My train of questions went on as he laid beside me silently.

“Who was your first true love Mikey?” He asked out of nowhere…catching me off guard completely. I didn’t know where his line of questioning was going…but I could see that he didn’t want to talk about Ben anymore and in truth neither did I.

“Some arrogant asshole named Brian Kinney…” I laughed…perching myself onto my elbow as I looked over at him. “Don’t be so shocked” I chuckled as he looked over at me as if in shock that I had even said the words that he and everyone else that knew me already knew. “You walked into that classroom and I was gone. You were this skinny kid with a cocky attitude…but I was smitten” I giggled…reaching out and absentmindedly playing with a button on his denim shirt. “I wanted to be your friend so badly that I could taste it…but I knew that you would never want to hang out with someone like me”

“But then I saved your like from those two big bad bullies that were always torturing you and we’ve been friends ever since” Brian finished the infamous Brian and Mikey story for me as I grinned down at him.

“Yeah…and my life was never the same again. I shared a lot of firsts with you…” I smiled a full smile for the first time in forever as I recalled all the trouble he had willingly gotten me into when we were kids. “My first drink…my first joint…even my first kiss” I sighed wistfully as I recalled the night that Brian had kissed me…really kissed me for the first time ever. “I thought it was the most perfect kiss in the whole world”

“It was my first kiss too” He replied softly…his eyes looking soft and distant in the evening light of the room.

“Liar…” I cried out…smacking him playfully upon his hip as I tried to get up off the floor…but he hindered my attempt. “You’d been with lord knows how many men before that night”

“Yes…before that night I had fucked a few men” He grinned as he too pushed himself onto his elbow…staring me straight in the eye as if to prove the truth of his words. “But…I had never kissed any of them. That night was the first time that I had ever allowed myself to kiss another man and it was amazing…just like I knew it would be. I haven‘t been able to get enough since then…that‘s why I steal them whenever I get the chance” His grin turned into a full fledged smile as he leaned forward and placed his lips atop my own. It was just a simple kiss like the many we had shared throughout our lifetime and it affected me just as all the others had. I couldn’t stop the blush that raced across my face once that kiss was broken as I continued to lock eyes with the man of my dreams…the man that I still loved despite many years of trying to deny it.

“Do you want to know who my first love was?” He asked me as he ran his hands along the threads of the carpet we were sitting on in what appeared to be a nervous manner.

“No one…you don’t do love” I replied for him…my heart for some reason pounding so hard within my chest that I just knew that he could hear it.

“Not so Mikey…” He was almost whispering…still not looking at me as he found fascination with the carpet he was playing with. “I’ve been in love before…his name was Michael Novotny and he was this geeky young kid with a heart a big as Texas and a smile as bright as the sun”

I felt the room around me begin to spin…my eyes opened and shut so many times that I felt as if I was going to pass out because I was sure that I had heard those words incorrectly. “Stop fucking with me Brian” I whispered on a voice as strong as I could muster.

“We almost did that night…remember Mikey” He went on with his trip down memory lane…ignoring my pleas for him to stop. “Or at least I wanted to” He finally looked up at me…my breath catching in my throat at just how vulnerable he looked at that very moment. “It started out as a simple kiss but then it turned into so much more. I had you on the floor…writhing underneath me…so willing…so ready to do whatever I wanted you to do. Don’t you remember Mikey?” He asked me…his eyes still locked on my own as he waited for me to find an answer.

“I do…” I replied softly and without hesitation…closing my eyes to block out his face for just a moment as I tried to once again control of myself and the situation.

“I do too…” He replied just as softly. “You were wearing those black stone washed jeans that I loved because they showed off your ass perfectly. You were wearing the concert t-shirt of “The Cure” that my cousin James got for you when he saw them in Vermont. You had just kicked off your black chucks and were in your socks with the holes in them” He chuckled more to himself them to me as his eyes once again got a glazed look about them. I didn’t know what Brian was trying to get at…didn’t know if what was happening was for real or if I was just dreaming it…but I decided to go along for the ride just the same.

“You had on a pair of acid washed 501’s jeans and a red Ocean Pacific surfer shirt. I remember it was the red one because you looked so cool in it and you knew it” I chuckled…laying down beside him once again as I continued on my own far away trip. “I remember complaining to you that I was almost eighteen and was going to die and virgin that had never been kissed. You told me how pathetic I was…while laughing at me like you always did…but then you got this look in your eye. I remember that it was a look that was almost predatory and although I trusted you with my very life…it scared me a little bit. We were sitting on the couch and then you slid off and stretched out on the floor…using the front of the couch as a pillow…but not before pulling me down with you” He didn’t saw another word as I looked closer at him…an evil grin upon his face a mile long. “You asked me if I was ever in love before and then you…” I never got a chance to finish my words as he wrapped his arm around my chest…jerking me under his body before planting his lips upon my own. I fell into that kiss without question as images of days gone by flew past my minds eye.

“I had your shirt off and was working on your jeans when your Uncle Vic came stumbling in and caught us” Brian finished the story after breaking that kiss. “We played it off after that and it became a pattern for us…but I don’t want to play this off anymore Mikey” I could see that he was serious as he reached over with his hand and gently cupped the side of my face.

“What about Ben?” I asked…breaking the magic moment as soon as the words exited my mouth.

“He told you that he needed a break…well so do you Mikey. Come with me Mikey…lets see what happens when we relive that night again” He said…biting at his lip nervously…which in turn caused me to smile.

“You know what will happen Brian” I grinned…laying my own hand upon his face gently. “Are you sure that we are ready for this…that we can survive from this? I can’t not have you in my life Brian and if this is going to ruin that then I rather just remember the memories”

“It won’t ruin what he have if we don’t let it…promise me that we won’t let it” He was begging…in a way that was so much unlike Brian Kinney that there was no way that I could say no. Instead…I ran my hand around the back of his neck…tugging him forward until once again our lips were exploring each others.

I can still remember everything about that night as we finally gave into the urges we had been hiding for to many year before hand. Brian made love to my body in a way that only he could…one minute pounding into me in a way that I felt would drive me through the hard floor…the next he was slow and as gentle as if I were a fine piece of china and about to break. Minutes turned into hours as we explored every part of each other’s bodies in ways that only the two of us could. I lost count as to how many times I came that night…but by the time we were done we were both wet and sticky and in dire need of a shower. We made love once again in the shower as Brian pressed me against the coolness of the tiles once again drawing another mind numbing orgasm from me before I turned into nothing but a piece of putty in his hands. I didn’t even have the strength to step out of the tub as he literally carried me to the bed that I once had shared with Ben…laying me down upon the mattress as he gazed down at me. I could see the uncertainty in his eyes as I eased his fear and somehow found the strength to lift my arms out to him. He fell into them without hesitation as I fought a losing battle with sleep. “Is this ok?” I heard him ask as he shifted our bodies a bit until I was laying across his chest.

“Thanks Brian…” I responded drowsily as I laid my head upon his chest and snuggled into his manly body.

“For what?” He asked and I could hear the confusion in his voice.

“For knowing that this was exactly what I needed. I don’t know how but you always seem to know. Night Brian…love you”

“Me too…always have and always will” I heard him whisper as I smiled against his broadness before sleep took me fully.

I expected to find him gone the next morning as I woke…but instead I found him still nude and wrapped around my equally naked body. “Breakfast?” I asked as I tried to slide out of bed…but he wasn’t making it very easy for me.

“Only if your on the menu” He nuzzled my neck…nipping playfully at it as giggles as wild as could be escaped from my lips. I was amazed at how easy and careful it was between us…because over the years I had lead myself to believe that if we had ever fucked that it would be awkward and uncomfortable. Instead…it was anything but as we fondled and sucked each other off instead of opting for breakfast. Afterwards he dropped me off at the store but not before kissing me softly and then taking his leave. I was on cloud nine all day as with every move of my body…the soreness reminded me of the way that he practically worshipped my body the night before and even that morning. I didn’t expect to hear from him so soon…but an hour later he was calling me from the office as we laughed and joked as if nothing unusual had happened. After work he popped up as I was closing up and asked me if I minded some company. I had no intentions of saying no as we stopped off at the diner…ate some dinner and then wound up back at my place for another wonderful night of love making. We soon fell into a pattern after that and I don’t think that either one of us recognized it until one night…weeks after telling me he needed a break Ben popped in unannounced. Brian had basically moved into my house and I couldn’t have been happier about it. We were lovers and best friends and without a care in the world. I couldn’t remember the last time that I had been so happy…really really happy and I hoped that it would never end. However…deep within my heart I knew that all things must come to an end…Ben made sure of that.

The morning had started out as any other…we had skipped breakfast to make made and passionate love to each other…then rushing like madmen to get dressed and to work on time. On that particular morning I was surprisingly ready as I heard Brian fumbling through the drawer I had emptied for his stuff. “Brian…come on I’m going to be late. I’ve got a shipment of new comics coming in this morning and I need to be there for the delivery” I hollered up the stairs as I finished off a cup of coffee.

“I would if I could find my fucking shirt in that over stuffed drawer you‘ve given me” I heard him gruff as he jaunted down the stares in nothing but a pair of dress slacks…looking sexy as hell. My mouth watered as I took in the bare feet and bare chest. I gave into my need to taste of him as I rushed across the room…wrapping my arms around his neck as I latched onto this always perfect lips. I could hear him chuckle as I did this because he knew how hot he looked half dressed and how much it affected me. The kiss was wet and sloppy and before I knew what was happening I was half dressed myself. We were about to make love once again on the floor…only to stop with our arms still wrapped around each other as Ben strode into the house and caught us red handed.

“What the fuck is going on here?” He roared as he flew across the expanse of the living room…jerking us apart as he literally dragged my half naked form away from Brian’s. “I said what the fuck is going on here?” He asked again…daggers of death shooting from his eyes as he glared from Brian to myself. I was utterly speechless as I looked over at Brian…stunned to see him acting so calm and nonchalant about what was happening as he dressed himself.

“I made sure to take care of Mikey while you took your much needed break Professor. I was however…hoping that you weren’t coming back…but now that you have I will take my leave” He said in that same stale tone as he headed for the front door…leaving me stunned and almost teary eyed in his wake. “Mikey…you’ll know where I’ll be once you make your decision” And then with that said he was gone…leaving me alone with a thoroughly pissed of Ben and more confused and hurt then I had ever been in my lifetime.

I expected Ben to be pissed…expected him to say hurt things about what he had just seen because that was what he did when he was upset with me or about anything…but he didn’t…at least not at first. “I don’t care what happened while we were on break Michael” Were his shocking words as I continued to stand there staring at the closed door. “Michael…did you hear me. I don’t care about what you did with Brian…how you betrayed our vows and me”

Slowly I pulled my eyes from the front door…drawing them upon Ben’s face as I fought the urge to punch him for what he had just said to me. “You forgive me” I repeated his words…bunching my fists into balls of hate as they hung at my sides. “You fucking forgive me” My words got louder as I took a step forward…invading his space as he in turn took a step back. “I don’t need or want your fucking forgiveness Ben. You’re the one that betrayed our vows and me when you decided on your own that you need a break instead of sticking around and trying to work though whatever our problems were. You’ve been blaming me for every little thing that has been wrong in your life…despite the fact that I’ve had nothing to do with it. You’ve blamed me for Hunter leaving…when it was you that refused to fight to make him stay. You’ve blamed me for the failure of your book…when you alone were the one to write it. You’ve constantly put me down and made my success seem less then they were because you were jealous…but not anymore Ben. You needed a break to clear your head and work though your issues…and I am glad that you were able to. However…I now need a break…a permanent one. I don’t love you anymore Ben” I spoke from the heart for the first time in a long time. “I love Brian…I’ve always loved Brian and I know that he is the one that I need to be with”

“He’ll only hurt you in the end Michael. You know that he is not capable of loving you the way that I love you” Ben cried out as I made my way for the front door.

“Brian has hurt me in the past…I can’t deny that” I agreed…turning to face the man whom was my husband…but wouldn’t be for much longer as far as I was concerned. “But…he’s changed. I can’t explain it and I don’t want to…but things are different…he’s different. He loves me…he always has but he was never ready…he’s ready now and so am I. It doesn’t matter if it’s just for a few weeks…a month or even a year” I cut him off before he had a chance to speak because I already knew what he was about to say. “It doesn’t matter how long we are together or if we even stay together. What matters is that we love each other and for however long it’s to be…we belong together. Bye Ben…” I whispered as I blew him a kiss and practically ran out the door.

I didn’t end up at Brian’s loft right away. Instead I went to my mothers house and explained things to her before someone else did. Ben had already placed the call by the time I got there…and she was ready and waiting. I had an audience of thee as Emmett…Carl and my mother all sat around the kitchen table waiting for me to explain what the hell was going on. My mother took every opportunity to interject her thoughts with each sentence I spoke…but I didn’t care because for the first time in a long time I knew what I was about to do was right. I couldn’t explain to them in mere words why it was right…but in the end they all knew it too.

I tried to get a hold of Brian on his cell…but I got his voicemail. I called him at the office…but Cynthia told me that he hadn’t even bothered to show up for work that morning. I knew exactly where he was a I sped down the streets of Liberty Avenue in dire need to be with my lover. “Brian…” I cried out once I entered the loft…finding the kitchen and living room empty. “Brian…” I cried out again in a panic as I tripped up the stairs to his bedroom…once again finding it and the bathroom empty. “Fuck…” My frustration got the better of me as I fell onto his bed…trying like hell to figure out where he was at or who he was with. I knew that I was being paranoid as I jumped off the bed and ran at top speed for the loft door…only to end up on my ass as I barreled right into Brian. “Where the fuck where you?” I accused as I continued to sit on the floor looking up at him…Ben’s words coming back to haunt me. “You said I would know where you were at and you weren’t here and…”

“And you thought that I was off fucking some random guy?” He finished my sentence for me…his eyes hollow as guilt as think as honey began to wash over me.

“Yeah…” I replied sadly…still on the floor because I couldn’t find the strength to pull myself up.

“I did…or I was…but I couldn’t do it…not after everything that we have shared Mikey” He spoke slowly and sadly as he reached his hand out to me. “I was so angry after I left your place” He went on pulling me up once I had taken his hand. “I was angry at Ben for coming back. I was angry at myself for not having the balls to tell him right then and there that you were mine and that he had made a colossal mistake in letting you go. I was angry at you because you didn’t come out after me…because I waited outside that door for nearly thirty minutes afterwards. I was angry that we played fucking games for so long that we’ve lost what we could have had sooner. I was angry because I was given a taste of what a life of being with you…loving you was like and then in a instant it was gone. Jesus Michael…I’ve loved you for a long time and was never man enough to tell you…but I want to tell you now. I want you to know how much I love you…how much I need you…how I can’t live without you”

“Shut up…” I responded with a smile upon my face as I lunged into his arms…knocking the two of us onto the floor as I did. “I love you too you stupid jerk” I laughed giddily as I wrapped my arms around his neck…silencing his next words as I covered his mouth for a long awaited kiss. It’s really needless to say…but we never left the loft that entire night. In fact we didn’t leave the loft for the next three days…finally forcing ourselves out at threat of death by our friends and family. Some were upset at our new relationship…most were angry…but we didn’t care. Brian and I had finally take the steps needed to be together as more then just best friends and there was no going back…ever.

The End…


End file.
